Befriending Your Fear

A New Paradigm

I experience fear all the time. I was in Denver for the weekend at a National Speaker Association board retreat as a new board member.  I found myself sitting at the table with speakers who have built powerful speaking businesses and have experience with board responsibilities. This created not only fear as the newest member to the board but terror. Here I am telling myself the story that I am a peon, a newbie, a person who doesn’t have a clue. Have you ever felt that way?

Let me tell you, my fear was rising up. That was the moment that I easily could have sent the president of the board an email saying, “Hey, you know what, I think I’ve changed my mind. This whole board thing really isn’t for me. I know there are lots of other people who would happily fill this position, so I am going to bow out.” I could have easily listened to my limiting conversations, played small and gone back into my safe and easy life. Yet, I could see that I would not be living the vision I had for my life. Growth would occur for me if I  went to that retreat and played full out. And growth occurred. Look what I would have missed if I had written the email. Holy Cow.

We all have a stories. We have paradigms. Here’s the good news: you are not your story and you are not your paradigms. They say our heart is our second brain. It’s our voice of wisdom and our standards of integrity. Go ahead and befriend your fear as the stories show up. Shift the limiting conversations, paradigms, monkey mind and all those other names you give for the negativity bias. It is running your unconscious thoughts. Most of the time, you don’t even know the stories are occurring.

Reframing the fear doesn’t mean that you can’t do it. It just means that you haven’t done it yet. Between doing and seeing lies a true story called, “You are more than that!” You can be more when you tell a new story. Try making a list of successes each day! Tell yourself, I did this and this and this. I succeeded with those things. Acknowledging your successes is important in the process of befriending your fear.

Acknowledging can be done in the form of gratitude because gratitude is on the frequency of abundance. When you’re grateful for your life, you absolutely can experience a different life. You can do something to completely change your state like reading your life vision every morning.

Know that you aren’t going to get to your vision. You  must come from your vision. You must walk through your life as if your vision is  happening already and then take action.

An example: you are a person who wants to donate your house for women who have been abused. With the clarity about your vision of donating your house, you then take steps for that to occur. If that means cleaning out a box every week from your basement because you know you’re going to be moving in three years, then you clean out a box every week. That’s how it works. Taking action in physical reality. Befriending your fear is always knowing that you are successful. Success is doing what you said you would do. So step into this big story. Step into courage and shift the normal human experience of fear. Know that you are making a difference.

Courage is moving ahead in spite of your fear. Most people who are successful have learned to embrace that fear. The big difference is that fear doesn’t have to own you. You are absolutely going to have the experience of fear, but you also have your vision. Once you decide to step into your greatness, fear is going to be a constant companion. No kidding! Fear is there to keep you safe so it will show up like a roaring lion when you shake things up and do something out of your normal activity. Shift it and be the person you know yourself to be.

Don’t back off when fear rises. Only back off with what is not aligned with your vision. If it’s not aligned with your vision or it’s going to affect someone else in a negative way, then don’t do it. But if it’s aligned with who you are and your vision, do it…even if it scares you. Do it afraid.

When you feed your faith, you will absolutely have the vision that you want. There are people who don’t know how to drive a car. One step they can take is a small as sitting behind the wheel of the car. They need to step into that fear in order to learn to drive the car. Another example: you want to write a book. Learn to create a book cover which is a step in the direction of your dream. You want to have a business then create your business card. Have courage to move ahead in spite of the fear.

Once you learn how to make friends with your fear, you can open new doors that before you would not have seen. Would you walk away from your of fear in order to be safe or practical?

Fear helps us know the way to growth and expansion. Through  growth and expansion, the path to creating a vision for a life you would love will begin to unfold. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Does your vision scare you? Then it just might be big enough to be honored by your moving in that direction.

Winston Churchill said, “Success is moving from failure to failure.” Imagine that: failure to failure. Many people see failure as something they need to stop doing for the following reasons: They’re not good enough. They can’t do it. They need more education. They have to try even harder. So they stop moving in the direction of their dream.

Failure is going to rock your world, it will make you totally able to see what there is for you to see and how you can shift your focus in a bigger direction. So I ask, “How can you grow and evolve? What’s it going to take for you to really live your dream? Know that it is okay if you look at failure as an opportunity to learn.

If you would like to explore creating a life you would love, or writing your 2020 vision, contact me, schedule a complimentary 20 minute phone call with me, Carolyn Rose Hart!

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